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Thursday, November 24, 2016

This time last year was tough.  Not many know because I've been fairly ambiguous about it but I suffered yet another miscarriage in September 2015.  I don't mind talking about it or sharing my experiences but I remained mum mostly due to others.  I'm going to be really honest here.  I can't stand the way people react to news of an early miscarriage.  I know they mean well but I'd just rather not deal with other people and their "uncomfortableness" when I was the one who went through the trauma.  And you never get flowers... ok, I'm being sarcastic but that's what I do.  It's my coping mechanism!

I was still grieving silently when Thanksgiving came around last year.  Felton was too but my man was also full of hope.  He's like his mom.  My sweet mother-in-law reminded me that Dax was born after suffering a loss and she was sure we'd have another little one.  My doctor reminded me too.  He was not my doctor when I lost the baby but after the horrible experience I had with my "new doctor", I immediately decided to travel the distance to go back to the doctor who helped me have my Dax.  He's an amazing doctor and I wish I never would have stopped seeing him.  But he was hopeful.  I needed to hear that and it made me feel better and I was full of hope too.

Fast forward to 2016 and whoa, what a fantastic start to the year.  I'm again being sarcastic people.  My best friend's father had a massive stroke and it was scary and life changing for her family.  Shortly after, my mom had a stroke, which was luckily not severe but was certainly life changing as well.  A short while later, her brother, my Uncle Tommy Wayne, passed away suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage, aka a stroke.  I mean.  Wow.  

2016 seemed destined for darkness.  But through the prayers and support of family and friends and tapping into our faith, we made it through.  My bff's dad is ok!  They are adjusting to their new normal and their family has so much to be thankful for.  My mom is ok.  We are not adjusting to her new normal as well as we should but we're getting there.  My mom is still able to be independent physically but her cognition, clarity and memory were affected and my brother and I struggle with figuring out the balance of how to help her do what she wants while doing what's best for her.  But first and foremost, we are so thankful that she is here.  

My brother and his wife found out they were expecting twins early in 2016 and by the time I heard the news (which I knew very early on and they didn't even know I knew because your girl here can keep a secret!) I had my own secret.  Felton and I found out we were expecting!  Talk about the circle of life.  I waited a while before sharing the news because, you know, read above.  But we made it public when I was 13 weeks and we found out it was another boy!  We were ecstatic.  

Fast forward to today, Thanksgiving 2016 and our family has grown.  I have two new month-old nieces that I can't wait to see again today.  We have another sweet baby boy that will here in a few (hopefully) short weeks.  Dax is seemingly ready for his new role as big brother.  And we're thankful.  This is what life looks like.  It's sad, it's happy.  It can be so boring and it can give you anxiety and adventure.  Life.  And we are so very thankful for it today.

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